Monday, December 26, 2016

Background

So I decided to start a little blog just for me, and any that may be helped by it. I want to share my experiences and let out my frustrations. Not sure how many will actually read, but I need an outlet for the every day struggles.

Here is a little about me....

I am finding myself divorced at the age of 35. I met and married what was supposed to be the love of my life at the age of 12 and 19. We met in grade school and used to sneak behind the tree to steal a kiss. He moved away to another state and came back looking for me when we were 18. The mutual friend he inquired about me with also had a crush on me and told him I moved to another state. At the age of 19 we met at a gas station when we dared a friend to talk to my friend and I. He still had pictures from me back in the day and I thought fate had sent me my soul mate. He opened my doors, used yes ma'am and sir, gave me attention, made romantic gestures, and made me feel special. We were engaged after 4 months. We married after a year of meeting at the gas station. 

Then reality set in....
He got me away from my family (moved two states away from my closest family member), became controlling, began isolated me, started making me feel like I was worthless, and made it impossible for me to escape. We had 10 people at our wedding including the Justice of Peace, none of which were related to me. He controlled everything about me, from where I went to what I wore, to where I worked. He would get drunk and say things that I doubt I will ever forget. If I ever made an effort in my appearance in an attempt to make myself feel better I was accused of cheating or dressing up for someone. I wasn't allowed to wear make up, my clothing style would be best described as soccer mom, if I spent time with my family when we moved back home I was some how in the wrong. We would go to a get together or bars to hang out with friends and he would spend the whole night flirting with other women even going as far as taking pictures of their boobs and then would get mad at me for not wanting to be intimate when we would get home. If he wasn't able to complete relations in the bed room (which was usually a result of his intoxicated state) he would insult me and call me names.
I was upfront with him when we got together at 19 about being infertile and he said he still loved me and we would figure it out. Any time I brought up adoption he would immediately say no or make inappropriate comments meant to belittle the ideal. When my parents got custody of my nephew and decided that I would be his guardian if anything should happen to them, he told me that he wouldn't let me have him because is wasn't his fault my sister couldn't take care of her own child. 
Denying me my nephew was the final straw for me (to this day there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him) and I finally put my foot down asking for a divorce. I asked for the divorce in August 2015 and it was finalized in January 2016. 
My goal with this blog is to create a semi regular journal type blog. I want to document the struggles and breakthroughs of continuing after surviving emotional abuse and divorce later in life.

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